Poems By Shel Silverstein

hey everyone!!!!

2009-03-25T22:24:00.000-07:00

~hey everyone~

hows everyone doing???? good i hope. just stopping by to add some pics of my man & i!!!!

PICS TAKEN ON 3-25-2009

The Castle By Shel Silverstein Pg. 171

2009-01-04T21:35:00.000-08:00

It’s the fabulous castle of Now.
You can walk in and wander about,
But it’s so very thin,
Once you are, then you’ve been--
And soon as you’re in, you’re out.

In The Land Of... By Shel Silverstein Pg. 170

2009-01-04T21:34:00.000-08:00

In the land of Listentoemholler
Steaks cost a nickel but the tax is a dollar.
How’d you like to live in Listentoemholler?

In the land of Wailinanweepin’
You work for free and get paid for sleepin’.
How’d you like to live in Wailinanweepin’?

In the land of Ragsanpatches
The men have babies and the ladies have mustaches.
How’d you like to live in Ragsanpatches?

In the land of Muglywugly
You got to be a movie star if you’re ugly
And your nose is knobby and your eyes are bugly
And your neck is snugly and your arms are hugly.
Let’s all go live in Muglywugly

Crazy Dream By Shel Silverstein Pg. 168

2009-01-04T21:33:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a crazy dream
That I was teachin school.
My teachers had turned into kids,
And I laid down the rules.

I gave ‘em a hundred hist’ry books
To memorize each night,
And made ‘em read ‘em on their heads
Without turnin’ on the light.

I sent ‘em on a field trip
To the outskirts of Mongolia,
And gave ‘em an overnight assignment
To grow a twenty-foot purple magnolia.

I asked ‘em how many awful grades
Can cause how many tears?
And if they got one answer wrong,
I just hung ‘em up by their ears.

And when they talked or laughed in class,
I pinched ‘em ‘til they cried
Louder and louder--’til I woke up
Feelin’ very satisfied.

Stork Story By Shel Silverstein Pg. 166-167

2009-01-04T21:32:00.000-08:00

You know the stork bring babies,
But did you also know
He comes and get the older folks
When it’s their time to go?

Zooms right down and scoops them up,
Then flaps back out the door
And flies them to the factory where
They all were made before.

And there their skin is tightened up,
Their muscles all are toned,
Their wrinkles all are ironed out,
They’re given brand-new bones.

Ol’ bent backs are straightened up,
New teeth are added too,
Tired hearts are all repaired
And made to work like new.

Their memories are all removed
And they’re shrunk down, and then
The stork flies them back down to earth
As newborn babies again.

Hungry Kid Island By Shel Silverstein Pg. 165

2009-01-04T21:31:00.000-08:00

Oh, I’m goin’ to Hungry Kid Island,
Way out in the shimmerin’ sea.
There’s probably hungry kids out there
Who’ll share my lunch with me.

But why call it Hungry Kid Island?
There’s no kids around that I see,
So I’m goin’ to Hungry Kid Island
To solve this mystery.

The Former Foreman's Story By Shel Silverstein Pg. 163

2009-01-04T21:30:00.000-08:00

We had to demolish the Johnson’s old house.
I brought in the bulldozers, shovels, and cranes.
We tore off the shingles, we banged in the walls,
We knocked down the chimney, we tore up the drains,
We smashed in the windows, we ripped out the bell,
We cut down the rafters, we sawed up the floor,
We dug up the basement--then somebody yelled,
“Hey, the Johnsons don’t live there--they live next door.”
(Maybe that’s the reason I‘m not foreman anymore.)

Headphone Harold By Shel Silverstein Pg. 161

2009-01-04T21:28:00.002-08:00

Headphone Harold wore his headphones
Through the night and through the day.
He said, “I‘d rather hear my music
Than the dumb things people say.”

In the city’s honkin’ traffic,
He heard trumpets ‘stead of trucks.
Down the quiet country back roads
He heard drums instead of ducks.

Through the patterin’ springtime showers
He heard guitars instead of rain.
Down the track at the railroad crossin’
He heard the trombones--not the train.

Body Language By Shel Silverstein Pg. 160

2009-01-04T21:28:00.001-08:00

Said my feet, “Hey, let’s go dancin‘.”
Said my tongue, “Let’s have a snack.”
Said my brain, “Let’s read a good book.”
Said my eyes, “Let‘s take a nap.”
Said my legs, “Let‘s” just go walkin’.”
Said my back, “Let‘s take a ride.”
Said my seat, “Well, I‘ll just sit right here,
‘Til all of you decide.”

When I Was Your Age By Shel Silverstein Pg. 159

2009-01-04T21:27:00.000-08:00

My uncle said, “How do you get to school?”
I said, “By bus,” and my uncle smiled.
“When I was your age,” my uncle said,
“I walked it barefoot--seven miles.”

My uncle said, “How much weight can you tote?”
I said, “One bag of grain.” my uncle laughed.
“When I was your age,” my uncle said,
“I could drive a wagon--and lift a calf.”

My uncle said, “How many fights have you had?”
I said, “Two--and both times I got whipped.”
“When I was your age,” my uncle said,
“I fought every day--and was never licked.”

My uncle said, “How old are you?”
I said, “Nine and a half,” and then
My uncle puffed out his chest and said,
“When I was your age… I was ten.”

The Smile Makers By Shel Silverstein Pg. 158

2009-01-04T21:25:00.000-08:00

THE SMILE MAKERS

The grungy, grumpy, grouchy Giant
Grew tired of his frowny pout
And hired me and Lee to lift
The corners of his crumblin’ mouth.
That was last year--and we’ve been here
Sweatin’, strainin’ all the while.
Sometimes it sure can be hard work
To make somebody smile.

Molly's Folly By Shel Silverstein Pg. 157

2009-01-04T21:24:00.002-08:00

Jolly Molly
Went to Bail,
Bought a skateboard,
Tried an Ollie.
Lost her hat,
Dropped her dolly,
Landed splat
Right on her collie.
Collie yelled,
“You’re off your trolley!”
He bit Molly on her lolly--
That’s why Molly
Isn’t jolly,
By golly!

Somethin' New By Shel Silverstein Pg. 156

2009-01-04T21:24:00.001-08:00

SOMETHIN’ NEW

They say, “Come up with somethin’ new
And everyone will buy it.”
So I came up with a paper umbrella,
But no one was willing to try it.

And then I came up with reusable gum.
It seemed such a pity to waste it.
Then I came up with some mustard ice cream.
Nobody bothered to taste it.

So now I’ve invented a plug-bottom boat.
It’s just what you need, there’s no doubt,
‘Cause if any water should ever splash in,
Just pull the plug--it’ll all run out.

A Use For A Moose By Shel Silverstein Pg. 155

2009-01-04T21:23:00.001-08:00

The antlers of a standing moose,
As everybody knows,
Are just the perfect place to hang
Your wet and drippy clothes.
It’s quick and cheap, but I must say
I’ve lost a lot of clothes that way.

Tell Me By Shel Silverstein Pg. 154

2009-01-04T21:22:00.000-08:00

TELL ME

Tell me I’m clever,
Tell me I’m kind,
Tell me I’m talented,
Tell me I’m cute,
Tell me I’m sensitive,
Graceful and wise,
Tell me I’m perfect--
But tell me the truth.

Clean Gene By Shel Silverstein Pg. 152-153

2009-01-04T21:21:00.002-08:00

Clean Gene is really clean--
He is a bath fanatic.
He has six washstands in his room
And twelve tubs in his attic.
He’ll wash before he goes school,
He’ll rinse when he gets there.
At recess you can find him
Rubbin’ shampoo in his hair.
He buys each new deodorant
To keep him smelling sweet,
He hires a manicurist
For each toenail on his feet.
He only will play baseball
With a Q-tip in each hand,
In case his ears get gritty
From the winds and blowin’ sand.
He wears a plastic bubble
So no germs can touch his shirt.
He will not eat potatoes
‘Cause potatoes grow in dirt.
He carries toothpaste, and he’ll brush
And floss with zest and zeal
Before--and after--and (I’m sorry)
During every meal.
He has a shower above his bed
To spray a soapy stream
(Just in case he ever should
Get dirty in his dream).
He’s hired a man named Henry Grunge,
And when he goes to play,
Grunge runs beside him with a sponge
To wipe his sweat away.
He’s built a special music tub
That he can sit right in
‘Longside his music teacher
While he plays the violin.
So when you go to visit Gene
Just make sure your jeans are clean,
Just make sure your nails are scrubbed,
Make sure you bring along your tub,
And leave your shoes out in the hall--
If you visit Gene at all.

Yuck By Shel Silverstein Pg. 151

2009-01-04T21:21:00.001-08:00

I stepped in something yucky
As I walked by the crick.
I grabbed a stick to scrape it off,
The yuck stuck to my stick.
I tried to pull it off the stick,
The yuck stuck to my hand.
I tried to wash it off--but it
Stuck to the washin’ pan.
I called my dog to pull me loose,
The yuck stuck to his fur.
He rubbed himself against the cat,
The yuck got stuck to her.
My friends and neighbors came to help--
Now all of us are stuck,
Which goes to show what happens
When one person steps in yuck.

Eggs Rated By Shel Silverstein Pg. 149

2009-01-04T21:20:00.002-08:00

EGGS RATED

These egg
Are excellent.
I’m not exaggerating.
You can tell by my eggspression
They’re eggceptional--
Eggstra fluffy,
Eggstremely tasty,
Cooked eggsactly right
By an eggspert
With lots of eggsperience.
Now I’ll eggsamine the bill….
Ooh--much more eggspensive
Than I expected.
I gotta get out of here.
Where’s the eggxit?

Three Stings By Shel Silverstein Pg. 148

2009-01-04T21:20:00.001-08:00

George got stung by a bee and said,
“I wouldn’t have got stung if I’d stayed in bed.”
Fred got stung and we heard him roar,
“What am I being punished for?”
Lew got stung and we heard him say,
“I learned somethin’ about bees today.”

The Sack Race By Shel Silverstein Pg. 147

2009-01-04T21:18:00.002-08:00

Yes, it’s time for the sack race.
Yes, I’m ready to go.
Yes, it’s my first sack race.
How did you know …?

Help! By Shel Silverstein Pg. 146

2009-01-04T21:18:00.001-08:00

I walked through the wildwood, and what did I see
But a unicorn with his horn stuck in a tree,
Cryin’, “Someone please help me before it‘s too late.”
I hollered, “I’ll free you.” He hollered back, “Wait--
How much will it hurt? How long will it take?
Are you sure that my horn will not scratch, bend, or break?
How hard will you pull? How much must I pay?
Must you do it right now or is Wednesday okay?
Have you done this before? Do you have the right tools?
Have you graduated from horn-savin’ school?
Will I owe you a favor? And what will it be?
Do you promise that you will not damage the tree?
Should I close my eyes? Should I sit down or stand?
Do you have insurance? Have you washed your hands?
And after you free me--tell me what then?
Can you guarantee I won’t get stuck again?
Tell me when. Tell me how.
Tell me why. Tell me where….”

I guess that he’s still sittin’ there.

Keep-Out House By Shel Silverstein Pg. 145

2009-01-04T21:17:00.000-08:00

At last--I finished my keep-out house,
A house that’s meant for privacy,
A house that’s meant for peacefulness,
A house just meant for only me.
There is no door where strangers knock,
No window where they peek and grin.
A perfect keep-out house…
Now how do I get in?

The Folks Inside By Shel Silverstein Pg. 144

2009-01-04T21:16:00.002-08:00

Inside you, boy,
There’s an old man sleepin’,
Dreamin’ waitin’ for his chance.
Inside you, girl,
There’s an old lady dozin’,
Wantin’ to show you a slower dance.

So keep on playin’,
Keep on runnin’,
Keep on jumpin’, til the day
That those old folks
Down inside you
Wake up … and come out and play.

Quality Time By Shel Silverstein Pg. 143

2009-01-04T21:16:00.001-08:00

My father is a golfer--
He let me be his tee.
He puts the ball upon my nose
And hits it right off me.
He says that I can share the joy
Of every ball he hits.
Oh, ain’t it grand to have a dad
Who spends time with his kids.

Camp Wonderful By Shel Silverstein Pg. 142

2009-01-04T21:15:00.000-08:00

I’m going to Camp Wonderful
Beside Lake Paradise
Across from Blissful Mountain
In the Valley of the Nice.
They say it’s sunny, cool, and green,
They say the angels made it.
They motto is “Be Fair and Care.”
I know I’m gonna hate it.

The Nap Taker By Shel Silverstein Pg. 140-141

2009-01-04T14:15:00.000-08:00

No--I did not take a nap--
The nap--took--me
Off the bed and out the window
Far beyond the sea,
To a land where sleepy heads
Read only comic books
And lock their naps in iron safes
So that they can’t get took.

And soon as I came to that land,
I also came to grief.
The people pointed at me, shouting,
“Where’s the nap, you thief?”
They took me to the courthouse.
The judge put on his cap.
He said, “My child, you are on trial
For taking someone’s nap.

“Yes, all you selfish children,
You think just of yourselves
And don’t care if the nap you take
Belongs to someone else.
It happens that the nap you took
Without a thought or care
Belongs to Bonnie Bowlingbrook,
Who’s sittin’ cryin’ there.

“She hasn’t slept in quite some time--
Just see her eyelids flap.
She’s tired and drowsy--cranky too,
‘Cause guess who took her nap?”
The jury cried, “You’re guilty, yes,
You’re guilty as can be,
But just return the nap you took
And we might set you free.”

“I did not take that nap,” I cried,
“I give my solemn vow,
And if I took it by mistake
I do not have it now.”
“Oh fiddles-fudge,” cried out the judge,
“Your record looks quite sour.
Last night I see you stole a kiss,
Last week you took a shower,

“You beat your eggs, you’ve whipped your cream,
At work you punched the clock,
You’ve even killed an hour or two,
We’ve heard you darn your socks,
We know you shot a basketball,
you’ve stolen second base,
And we can see you’re guilty
From the sleep that’s on your face.

“Go lie down on your blanket now
And cry your guilty tears.
I sentence you to one long nap
For ninety million years.
And when the other children see
This nap that never ends,
No child will ever dare to take
Somebody’s nap again.”

Best Mask? By Shel Silverstein Pg. 139

2009-01-04T14:09:00.000-08:00

They just had a contest for scariest mask,
And I was the wild and daring one
Who won the contest for scariest mask--
And (sob) I’m not even wearing one.

Blood-Curding Story By Shel Silverstein Pg. 138

2009-01-04T14:08:00.000-08:00

That story is creepy,
It’s waily, it’s weepy,
It’s screechy and screamy
Right up to the end.
It’s spooky, it’s crawly,
It’s grizzly, it’s gory,
It’s the awfulest story
(Please tell it again).

Cat Jacks By Shel Silverstein Pg. 137

2009-01-04T14:07:00.001-08:00

Do not play jack
With the Jaguar cat--
You’ll never ever best her.
If she don’t win,
She’ll start to whine.
If she gets an eight,
She’ll pick up nine--
She’ll say she didn’t,
But you’ll know she’s lion--
She’s such an awful Cheetah.

Oooh! By Shel Silverstein Pg. 136

2009-01-04T14:05:00.000-08:00

I went to the petting zoo-zoo-zoo,
I petted the baby gnu-nu-nu,
I petted the cute cockatoo-too-too,
I petted the kid kangaroo-roo-roo
I petted the owlet too, too-woo,
I petted the skunklet, too--pee-yoo,
Then I did what one should never do-do-do:
I petted the tiger let too, ooh--ooh!
Won’t somebody please tie my shoe?
Boo--hoo.

Music Lesson By Shel Silverstein Pg. 135

2009-01-04T14:04:00.001-08:00

I really should have studied flute,
Harmonica, or chimes.
A clarinet is nice and light,
A fiddle would be fine.
But my teacher is a brute.
He lives up seven flights of stairs.
(I wish I played the flute.)

Bituminous By Shel Silverstein Pg. 134

2009-01-04T14:02:00.000-08:00

The hard coal’s bituminous,
Or is that the anthracite?
Stalactites grow down from caves,
Or do I stalagmites?
Those fluffy clouds are nimbus--
No--wait--they might be cumulus.
And that kid who was raised by wolves--
Was he Remus--or Romulus?
The brothauruses ate no meat.
Does that means they’re carnivorous?
Or were they herbivorous?
A camel is a pachyderm--
Or do I mean dromedary?
Is this match inflammable?
I thought it was incendiary.
Octagons--no hexagons--
No, heptagons have seven sides.
And don’t spray fruit with pesticides--
Or do I mean insecticides?
If I can see right through a thing,
Is it transparent--or translucent?
These are just some of the things
I find confusing…or confuscent.

Christmas Dog By Shel Silverstein Pg. 132-133

2009-01-04T14:00:00.000-08:00

Tonight’s my first night as a watchdog,
And here it is Christmas Eve.
The children are sleepin’ all cozy upstairs,
While I’m guardin’ the stockin’s and tree.

What’s that now--footsteps on the rooftop?
Could it be a cat or a mouse?
Who’s this down the chimney?
A thief with a beard--
And a big sack for robbin’ the house?

I’m barkin’ I’m growlin’ I’m bittin’ his butt.
He howls and jumps back in his sleigh.
I scare his strange horses, they leap in the air.
I’ve frightened the whole bunch away.

Now the house is all peaceful and quiet again,
The stockin’s are safe as can be.
Won’t the kiddies be glad when they wake up tomorrow
And see how I’ve guarded the tree.

Keepin' Count By Shel Silverstein Pg. 131

2009-01-04T13:58:00.000-08:00

Professor Bacar
Keeps flies in a jar
And ask, “Who can tell
Just how many there are?
‘Cause whoever can count
The exact right amount
Will get a new bike
And a ‘lectric guitar.”

So I start tryin’,
The flies they start flyin’,
I get to three million
And seven, and then--
Some little fly lady
Has one more fly baby,
And I have to go back
And start over again.

Dentist Dan By Shel Silverstein Pg. 130

2009-01-04T13:56:00.000-08:00

Nentis Nan, he’s my man,
I go do im each chanz I gan.
He sicks me down an creans my teed
Wid mabel syrub, tick an’ sweed,
An ten he filks my cavakies
Wid choclut cangy-- I tink he’s
The grayest nentis in the Ian.
Le’s hear free jeers for Nentis Nan.
Pip-pip-ooray!
Pip-pip-ooray!
Pip-pip-ooray!
Le’s go to Nentis Nan dooday!

Poison-Tester By Shel Silverstein Pg. 129

2009-01-04T13:55:00.000-08:00

POISON-TESTER

I’m poison-tester Tru.
I’m here to taste your food for you.
‘Cause you could die in half a minute
If there’s one drop of poison in it.
That lemonade to quench your thirst?
You’d better let me taste it first.
Mmm--it’s OK, but these boysenberries.
I’ll make sure they’re safe, but that burger might
Be deadly--mmm--no, it’s all right.
And now I’ll test your hot fudge sundae;
Let’s hope I’m not dead by Monday.
Mmm-- it seem OK, but the poison could be
In the very late bite, so leave it for me.
Mmmm--well, it’s all safe and my job is through.
See how I risked my life for you?

Hi-Monster By Shel Silverstein Pg. 127

2009-01-04T13:54:00.000-08:00

HI-MONSTER

What’s a that comin’
Through the mist?
The HI-MONSTER--
He’s runnin’ free.
And if his tail
Is long as this
Just think how big
The HI-MONSTER must be.

Three O'Clock By Shel Silverstein Pg. 126

2009-01-04T13:53:00.000-08:00

I got the job as bell ringer--
DIND-DONG--DING-DONG--DING-DONG.
I thought that meant to pull the rope--
I--OUCH-OUCH-OUCH-- was wrong.

Cookwitch Sandwich By Shel Silverstein Pg. 125

2009-01-04T13:52:00.001-08:00

COOKWITCH SANDWICH

I heard that Katrina
The Cook was a witch,
But me, I’m such
A stupid kid,
I yelled, “Hey! Katrina,
Make me a sandwich,”
And ZAP--
She did!

Sorry I Spilled It By Shel Silverstein Pg. 124

2009-01-04T13:50:00.002-08:00

The ham’s on your pillow,
The egg’s in your sheet,
The bran muffin’s rollin’,
Down under your feet,
There’s milk in the mattress,
And juice on the spread--
Well, you said that you wanted
Your breakfast in bed.

Human Balloon By Shel Silverstein Pg. 123

2009-01-04T13:50:00.001-08:00

Hi-ho for the Human Balloon.
He guzzles up Pepsis and Cokes,
Then gassy and bloaty
And burpy and floaty
He lifts off the ground, while his folks
Hang on to the Human Balloon
As he scoops them right up off the grass,
And as they sail away
They all cheer Hip-Hooray--
And pray he don’t run out of gas.

Forgetful Paul Revere By Shel Silverstein Pg. 122

2009-01-04T13:49:00.001-08:00

Was it two if by land
And one if by sea?
Or one if by land
And none if by sea?
Or none if by land…
Or was it three?
My memory’s not
What it used to be,
And it’s getting so foggy
I hardly can see,
And this hard, cold saddle
Is killin’ me--
Oh, what a ride
This is gonna be.

Headless Town By Shel Silverstein Pg. 121

2009-01-04T13:46:00.000-08:00

Selling hats in Headless Town--
Special sale, so gather ‘round.
Short brim, wide brim, white or brown,
Hats for sale--in Headless Town.
Selling hats in Headless Town--
Stetson, bonnet, cap, or crown,
Isn’t there one soul around
Who needs a hat in Headless Town?
Selling hats in Headless Town
Sure can get a fella down,
But there’s a way
If there’s a will
(I once sold shoes
In Footlessville).

One Out Of Sixteen By Shel Silverstein Pg. 120

2009-01-04T13:43:00.000-08:00

I’m no good at History,
Science makes no sense to me,
Music is a mystery,
English is no friend to me,
Math is my worst enemy,
Economics tortures me,
Gym takes too much energy,
Reading is a chore to me,
Geography just loses me,
I hate Sociology,
Chemistry confuses me,
I barf in Biology,
Astronomy’s just stars to me,
Botany’s just flowers smelling,
Even Art’s too hard for me.
Well, at least I’m good at Speling!

The Weavers By Shel Silverstein Pg. 119

2009-01-04T13:42:00.000-08:00

I was sittin’, I was knittin’
On a sweater I could wear.
When I finished, I said proudly,
“Hey, I’ve done some weavin’ there.”
But ol’ spider on the gossamer
From the ceiling to the stair?
Can you let the wind blow through it
So it sways but doesn’t tear?
Then can you grab onto it
And swing lightly on a hair?
When you can--then you may truly say,
‘I’ve done some weavin’ there.’”

A Closet Full Of Shoes By Shel Silverstein Pg. 118

2009-01-04T13:41:00.002-08:00

Party shoes with frills and bows,
Workin’ shoes with steel toes,
Sneakers, flip-flops. And galoshes,
Brogans, oxfords, satin pumps,
Dancin’ taps and wooden clumps,
Shoes for climbin’ shoes for hikes,
Football cleats and baseball spikes,
Shoes of shiny patent leather,
Woolly shoes for winter weather,
Loafers, rough-outs, sandals, spats,
High heels, low heels, platforms, flats,
Moccasins and fins and flippers,
Shower clogs ballet slippers…
A zillion shoes and just one missin’--
That’s the one that matches this’n.

Snow Fish By Shel Silverstein Pg. 116

2009-01-04T13:41:00.001-08:00

I found a flounder and I thought, “Swell,
I’ll take it to school for show and tell.”
But I forgot, for quite a spell,
To take it to school for show and tell,
And now it’s two weeks later …. Well …
I’ll take it to school for show and smell.

James By Shel Silverstein Pg. 115

2009-01-04T13:40:00.000-08:00

There once was a hamburger whose name was James--
What? Didn’t you know all burgers have names?
Well they do--some are Norbert and some are named Neal,
Some are Llewellyn, some ate Lucille,
Some just have nicknames like Bunky or Bean,
Others have long names like Rose-Mavoureen,
Like you, each one’s special and no one’s the same,
So please, ‘fore you bite,
Be polite--ask their name.

The Porky By Shel Silverstein Pg. 114

2009-01-04T13:38:00.000-08:00

Oh who will wash the porky’s ears,
And who will comb his tail,
And who will shine his long sharp quills
And manicure his nails?
Oh Willie may wash the porky’s ears,
And Carole may comb his tail,
And Sidney may shine his long sharp quills,
And I’ll go down for the mail….

No Growns-Ups By Shel Silverstein Pg. 113

2009-01-04T13:34:00.000-08:00

No grown-ups allowed,
We’re playin’ a game,
And we don’t need
“Be-careful” or “don’ts.”
No grown-ups allowed.
We’re formin’ a club,
And the secret oath
Must not be shown.
No grown-ups allowed.
We’re goin’ out for pizza--
No, no one but me and my crowd.
So just stay away.
Oh, now it’s time to pay?
Grown-ups allowed.

Remote-A-Dad By Shel Silverstein Pg. 112

2009-01-04T13:32:00.000-08:00

It’s just like a TV remote control,
Except that it works on fathers.
You just push the thing that you want him to do
And he does it--without any bother.
You want him to dance? Push number five.
You want him to sing? Push seven.
You want him to raise your allowance a bit?
You simply push eleven.
You want him quiet? Just hit Mute.
Fourteen will make him cough.
You want him to stop picking on you?
Yelling and telling you what not to do?
And stop bossing you for an hour or two?
Just push Power--Off.

The Runners By Shel Silverstein Pg. 110

2009-01-04T13:31:00.001-08:00

Why does out track team run so fast
And jump with zest and zeal?
We owe it all to our great couch
And our wonderful practice field.

Lyin' Larry By Shel Silverstein Pg. 109

2009-01-04T13:30:00.001-08:00

Larry’s such a liar--
He tells outrageous lies.
He says he’s ninety-nine years old
Instead of only five.
He says he lives up on the moon.
He says that he once flew.
He says he’s really six feet four
Instead of three feet two.
He says he had a billion dollars
‘Stead of just a dime.
He says he rode a dinosaur
Back in some distant time.
He says his mother is the moon
Who taught him magic spells.
He says his father is the wind
That rings the morning bells.
He says he can take stones and rocks
And turn them into gold.
He says he can take burnin’ fire
And turn it freezin’ cold.
He said he’d send me seven elevs
To help me with my chores.
But Larry’s such a liar--
He only sent me four.

Dancin' In The Rain By Shel Silverstein Pg. 108

2009-01-04T13:27:00.000-08:00

So what if it drizzles
And dribbled and drips?
I’ll splash n the garden,
I’ll dance on the roof.
Let it rain on my skin,
It can’t get in--
I’m waterproof.

Feeling Time By Shel Silverstein Pg. 106

2009-01-04T13:23:00.000-08:00

Oh alligator, palligator, get up out of bed.
It’s breakfast time and I can’t find
Our keeper Mister Fred.
He smokes a pipe and wears a little
Derby on his head,
And he was ‘sposed to meet me here
To help to get you fed.

Carrots By Shel Silverstein Pg. 105

2009-01-04T13:21:00.000-08:00

They say that carrots are good for your eyes,
They swear that they improve your sight,
But I’m seein’ worse than I did last night--
You think maybe I aint usin’ ‘em right?
(Carrots are in the eyes)

A Cat, A Kid, & A Mom By Shel Silverstein Pg. 104

2009-01-04T13:18:00.000-08:00

“Why can’t you see I’m a cat.” said the cat,
“And that’s all I ever will be?
Why are you shocked when I roam out at night?
Why are you sad when I meow and I fight?
Why are you sick when I eat up a rat?
I’m a cat.”

“Why can’t you see I’m a kid?” said the kid.
“Why try to make me like you?
Why are you hurt when I don’t want to cuddle?
Why do you sigh when I splash through a puddle?
Why do you scream when I do what I do?
I’m a kid.”

“Why can’t you see I’m a mom?” said the mom.
“Why try to make me wise?
Why try to teach me the ways of a cat?
Why try to tell me that ‘kids are like that’?
Why try to make me be patient and calm?
I’m a mom.”

Shanna In The Sauna By Shel Silverstein Pg. 103

2009-01-04T13:17:00.000-08:00

“Come into the sauna.”
“No thank you, I don’t wanna.”
“There’s an iguana in the sauna….”
“I still don’t wanna.”
“There’s a piranha in the sauna….”
“Now I really don’t wanna.”
“OK, the iguana just ate the piranha,
And the shark just ate the iguana,
So now you can come into the sauna.”
“Now I‘m never gonna.”

The Mummy By Shel Silverstein Pg. 102

2009-01-03T23:07:00.000-08:00

Wrapped myself in toilet paper,
Head to toe to tummy.
Wrapped myself in toilet paper,
Thought that I’d be funny.
Wrapped myself in toilet paper,
Thought they’d call me “Mummy.”
Wrapped myself in toilet paper,
They just call me dummy.

Short Kid By Shel Silverstein Pg. 101

2009-01-03T23:06:00.001-08:00

They said I’d grow another foot
Before I reached the age of ten.
It’s true, I grew another foot--
Guess this is what they meant.

A Battle In The Sky By Shel Silverstein Pg. 100

2009-01-03T23:03:00.000-08:00

It wasn’t quite day and it wasn’t quite night,
‘Cause the sun and the moon were both in sight,
A situation quite all right
With everyone else but them.

So they both made remarks about who gave more light
And who was the brightest and prettiest sight,
And the sun gave a bump and the moon a bite,
And the terrible sky fight began.

With a scorch and a sizzle, a screech and a shout,
Across the great heavens they tumbled about,
And the moon had a piece of the sun in its month,
While the sun burned the face of the moon.

And when it was over the moon was rubbed red,
And the sun ha a very bad lump on its head,
And all the next night the moon stayed home in bed,
And the sun didn’t come out ‘til noon.

Allison Beals & Her 25 Eels By Shel Silverstein Pg. 98

2009-01-02T20:01:00.000-08:00

Allison Beals had twenty-five eels--
She used four for skateboard wheels,
She used one as a hula hoop,
She used one to stir her soup,
Two of them with silly faces
She would use for sneaker laces,
One was a band to tie her hair,
Two were earrings danglin’ there,
One was a ring upon her hand,
One made a perfect wristwatch band,
One of them held her cup of tea,
One held the bandage on her knee,
One was a belt for her cut-off jeans,
One held you her magazines,
One was a necklace that never would choke,
One was a bra strap in case hers broke,
One was a wobbly baton to twirl,
One held a banner that she could unfurl,
One was a bracelet that wouldn’t unwind,
One made a lovely Valentine,
The ‘lectric one was a lamp that could shine,
And one got a new job on page fifty-nine.

Kanga Ruby By Shel Silverstein Pg. 97

2009-01-02T19:59:00.000-08:00

Hop, nibble, nibble and hop.
What else can you do
But chew that wattle tree bottom to top
When you’re a kangaroo?

You live down in the dusty bush
Far from the traffic’s zoom
With twenty other kangaroos
In one little kangaroom ….

And when you feel like dancin’,
You simply shake a hoof
And hop on the top of your little hut
On your leafy kangaroof ….

But other times you do wake up
In a mean and nasty mood
And yell at everyone around--
That’s really kangarude.

No kangaroo hops high as you,
No kangaroo looks cooler,
So they’ve elected you their queen--
Now you’re a kangaruler.

And they baked you a queenly cake
Last Wednesday afternoon.
Of course, you went and hopped in it,
And now it’s kangaruined!

Every Lunchtime By Shel Silverstein Pg. 96

2009-01-02T19:58:00.001-08:00

I open my lunch box
Hopin’ to find
A sandwich, an apple,
Some cookies or cake.
But there, coiled and hissin’,
And set to unwind,
Is another big venomous,
Poisonous snake,
Slitherin’ and squirmin’
And hissin’ away,
Leavin’ me hungry as can be.
It happens every single day…
You think my mother’s mad at me?

Mister Moody By Shel Silverstein Pg. 95

2009-01-02T19:56:00.002-08:00

And here we see ol’ Mister Moody,
Wearing such a gloomy frown.
But turn him upside down and see …
Mister Moody
Upside down--
What did you expect?

Haunted By Shel Silverstein Pg. 94

2009-01-02T19:56:00.001-08:00

I dare you all to go into
The Haunted House on Howlin’ Hill,
Where squiggly things with yellow eyes
Peek past the wormy window sill.
We’ll creep into the moonlit yard,
Where weeds reach out like fingers,
And through the rotted old front door
A-squeakin’ on it hinges,
Down the dark and whisperin’ hall,
Past the musty study,
Up the windin’ staircase--
Don’t step on the step that’s bloody--
Through the secret panel
To the bedroom where we’ll slide in
To the ragged cobweb dusty bed
Ten people must have died in.
And the bats will screech,
And the spirits will scream,
And the thunder will crash
Like a horrible dream,
And we’ll sing with the zombies
And dance with the dead.
And howl at the ghost
With the axe in his head,
And--come to think of it what do you say
We go get some ice cream instead?

Reachin' Richard By Shel Silverstein Pg. 93

2009-01-02T19:55:00.000-08:00

‘Stead of sayin’, “Pass the peas,”
Richard reached across and grabbed some.
‘Stead of whisperin’, “Lamb chops, please,”
Richard poked his for and stabbed one.
‘Spite his father’s warnin’ words,
‘Spite his mother’s tearful teachin’,
With each grab his arm did grow
‘Til it stretched twenty yards or so.
Said Richard, “Yes, it’s weird, I know,
But boy, it’s great for reachin’.”

Golden Goose By Shel Silverstein Pg. 92

2009-01-02T19:54:00.000-08:00

Yes, we cooked that fat ol’ goose.
You say we were insane
Because she laid those golden eggs,
But you don’t know the pain
Of trying to boil a golden egg
While you just starve away.
If she’d laid ordinary eggs
She’d be with us today.

Glub--Glub By Shel Silverstein Pg. 91

2009-01-02T19:53:00.000-08:00

He thought it was
The biggest puddle
He’d go splashing through.
Turns out it was
The smallest lake--
And the deepest, too.

Obedient By Shel Silverstein Pg. 90

2009-01-02T19:52:00.000-08:00

Teacher said, “You don’t obey.
You fidget and twidget
And won’t sit down.
So go stand in the corner now
‘Til I say you can turn around.”
So there I stood ‘til it got dark
Without a whimper or a tear,
‘Til everybody else went home.
I guess that she forgot me here.
And that was Friday, so I stayed
All through the weekend--bein’ good,
And Monday was the first day of
Summer vacation, so I stood
Through hot July and sticky August,
Tryin’ to obey her rule.
Stood right there until September,
When--yikes-- they closed down the school!
Boarded up the doors and windows,
Moved to a new one way ‘cross town.
So here I’ve stood for forty years
In dark and dust and creaky sounds,
Waiting for her to say, “Turn around.”
This might not be just what she meant,
But me--I’m so obedient.

Spoiled Brat By Shel Silverstein Pg. 89

2009-01-02T19:49:00.000-08:00

The spoiled brat cut a hole in her hat,
The spoiled brat put a coat on the cat,
The spoiled brat got into a spat
‘Bout whether a rodent’s a mouse or a rat.

The spoiled brat broke a bike with her bat,
The spoiled brat told the policeman to scat,
The spoiled brat told her sister was fat,
And sat on her birthday cake ‘til it was flat.

The spoiled brat, she cusses and she spat,
The spoiled brat pulled the wings off a gnat,
The spoiled brat fell into a vat,
Got cooked up for dinner and that was that.

But in spite of the pepper,
The salt and the sage,
The onions and garlic and oil,
Nobody would touch
A bite of that brat
Because she was so spoiled.

Mirror, Mirror By Shel Silverstein Pg. 88

2009-01-02T19:47:00.000-08:00

QUEEN:
Mirror, mirror on the wall.
Who is the fairest of them all?

MIRROR:
Snow White, Snow White, snow white--
I’ve told you a million times tonight.

QUEEN:
Mirror, mirror on the wall,
What would happen if I let you fall?
You’d shatter to bit with a clang and a crash,
Your glass would be splintered--swept out with the trash,
Your frame would be bent, lying here on the floor--

MIRROR:
Hey … go ahead, ask me just once more.

QUEEN:
Mirror, mirror on the wall.
Who is the fairest of them all?

MIRROR:
You--you--It’s true
The fairest of all is you--you--you.
(Whew!)

My Nose Garden By Shel Silverstein Pgs. 86-87

2009-01-02T19:45:00.000-08:00

I have rowses and rowses of noses and noses,
And why they all growses I really can’t guess.
No lilies or roses, just cold-catching noses,
And when they all blowses, it’s really a mess.

They runs and they glowses, these sneezity noses,
They drips and they flowses, they blooms and they dies.
But you can’t bring no noses to fine flower showses
And really expect them to give you a prize.

But each mornin’ I goeses to water with hoses
These rowses of noses that I cannot sell,
These red sniffly noses that cause all my woeses,
Why even the crowese complain that they smell.

Why noses, not roses? Well, nobody knowses.
Why do you supposes they growses this think?
But since there’s no roses come gather some noses--
I guarantee each one’s a good nose to pick.

Red Flowers For You By Shel Silverstein Pg. 85

2009-01-02T19:44:00.001-08:00

They could be poison ivy,
They might be poison oak,
But anyway, here’s your bouquet!
Hey--can’t you take a joke?

Settin' Around By Shel Silverstein Pg. 84

2009-01-02T19:42:00.000-08:00

Settin’ ‘round the campfire
With a Werewolf, a Ghoul, and a Vampire,
I told ‘em the story of Murderin’ Mack,
And the Ghoul ran off screamin’
And never came back.
Settin’ ‘round the campfire
With the Werewolf and the Vampire,
I told ‘em the tale of Three-Headed Ed,
And the Werewolf ran home
And hid under the bed.
Settin’ ‘round the campfire,
Just me and that ol’ Vampire,
I read him the poem of the skeleton bone,
And now it’s just me,
Settin’ here all alone.

Hypnotized By Shel Silverstein Pg. 83

2009-01-02T19:41:00.000-08:00

How would you like to get hypnotized?
Stare deep, deep into my eyes.
Now you’re getting drowsy, falling deep
Deep, deep, deep--asleep,
And I have you in my power.
Mow the lawn for half an hour.
Shine my shoes, trim my hair.
Wash out all my underwear.
Do my homework, scratch my back,
Cook me up a great big stack
Of pancakes, and go wash my plate.
Get some nails and fix the gate.
Now wake up and open your eyes.
Wasn’t it fun to be hypnotized?

The Tongue Sticker-Outer By Shel Silverstein Pg. 82

2009-01-02T19:40:00.000-08:00

They say that once in Zanzibar
A boy stuck out his tongue so far,
It reached the heavens and touched a star,
Which burned him rather badly.
I wasn’t there, but they say that lout
Now keeps his tongue inside his mouth,
But if you ask I’m to stick it out …
I think he’ll do it gladly.

People Zoo By Shel Silverstein Pg. 80

2009-01-02T19:36:00.000-08:00

I got grabbed by the elk and the caribou.
They tied me up with vine lassoo
And whisked me away to Animaloo,
Where they locked me up in the People Zoo.

Now I’m here in a cage that is small as can be
(You can’t let wild people just run around free),
And I’m fed bread and tea at a quarter to three,
And the animals all come and gander to me.

They point and they giggle and sometimes they spit
(There’s bars on my cage, so they can’t poke or hit),
And they scream, “Do a trick,” but I stubbornly sit,
Not doin’ nothin’ … but thinking’s a bit.

So if you come visit, just howl, honk, or moo
And try to pretend you’re an animal, too.
‘Cause if you’re a person, they’ll throw you into
Cage Two of the zoo here in Animaloo.

Shoe Talk By Shel Silverstein Pg. 79

2009-01-02T19:33:00.000-08:00

There’s no one to talk wit--
I’ll talk with my shoe.
He does have a tongue
And an inner soul, too.
He’s awfully well polished,
So straightlaced and neat
(But he talks about nothing
But feet--feet--feet).

Description By Shel Silverstein Pg. 78

2009-01-02T19:31:00.000-08:00

George said, “God is short and fat.”
Nick said, “No, He’s tall and lean.”
Len said, “With a long white beard.”
“No,” said John, “He’s shaven clean.”
Will said, “He’s black,” Bob said, “He’s white.”
Rhonda Rose said, “He’s a She.”
I smiled but never showed ‘em all
The autographed photograph God sent to me.

The Toy Eater By Shel Silverstein Pg. 77

2009-01-02T19:30:00.000-08:00

You don’t have to pick up your toys, okay?
You can leave ‘em right there on the floor,
So tonight when the Terrible Toy-Eatin’ Tookle
Comes tiptoeing’ in through the crack in the door,
He’ll crunch all your soldiers, he’ll munch on your trucks,
He’ll chew your poor puppets to shreds,
He’ll swallow your Big Wheel and slurp up your paints
And bite off your dear dollies’ heads.
Then he’ll wipe off his lips with the sails of your ship,
And making a bur pity noise,
He’ll slither away-- but hey, that’s okay,
You don’t have to pick up your toys.

They Say I have... By Shel Silverstein Pg. 75

2009-01-02T19:26:00.001-08:00

They say I have my father’s nose,
My grandpa’s eyes,
My mother’s hair.
Could it be that my behind’s
The only thing that’s really mine?

Hard To Please By Shel Silverstein Pg. 74

2009-01-02T19:25:00.000-08:00

(To be said in one breath)
Elaine gives me a pain,
Gill makes me ill,
Winnie’s a ninny,
Orin is borin’,
Milly is silly,
Rosy is nosy,
Junie is looney,
Gussie is fussy,
Jackie is wacky,
Tommy is balmy,
Marry is scary,
Tammy is clammy,
Abby is crabby,
Patti is batty,
Mazie is lazy,
Tiny is whiney,
Missy is prissy,
Nicky is picky,
Ricky is tricky,
And almost everyone
Makes me sicky.
(Whew!)

Long Scarf By Shel Silverstein Pg. 73

2009-01-02T19:24:00.000-08:00

You ask me to take off my scarf
And sit down and rest for a while?
That’s sweet of you--but before I do,
I’ll tell you a story, my child.
Some years age I fought a duel
With the Count Doomandread,
And I slipped or tripped
And his sword just clipped
My neck--and sliced off my head.
I scooped it up and put it back,
But it didn’t quite connect,
So I tied this scarf around it
Just to keep it on my neck.
That’s why I always keep it on,
‘Cause if it did unwrap,
This wobbly chopped-off head of mine
Might tumble in your lap.
So now you’ve heard my tale, and if
It will not make you ill,
And you’d still like me to
Take off my scarf…
I will!!

Hand Holding By Shel Silverstein Pg. 72

2009-01-02T19:23:00.000-08:00

Somebody said, “Lets all hold hands,”
So lee held hands with Jean.
And Jean also held Helen’s hand
While she held hands with Dean.
Dean’s other hand held Sharma Joy’s
While she held hands with Lee.
So tell me just how did I wind up
Holdin’ hands with me?

The Gnome, The Gnat, & The Gnu By Shel Silverstein Pg. 71

2009-01-02T19:22:00.000-08:00

I saw an ol’ gnome
Take a gknock at a gnat
Who was gnibbling the gnose of his gnu.
I said, “Gnasty gnome,
Gnow, stop doing that.
That gnat aint done gnothing to you.”
He gnodded his gnarled ol’ head and said,
“’Til gnow I gnever gnew
That gknocking a gnat
In the gnoodle like that
Was gnot a gnice thing to do.”

We're Out Of Paint, So... By Shel Silverstein Pg. 70

2009-01-02T19:20:00.000-08:00

Let’s paint a picture with our food.
For red we’ll squeeze these cherries.
For purple let’s splash grape juice on.
For blue we’ll use blueberries.
For black just use some licorice.
For brown pour on some gravy.
For yellow you can dip your brush
In the egg yolk you just gave me.
We’ll sign our names in applesauce
And title it “Our Luncheon,”
And hang it up for everyone
To stop…and see…and munch on.

Medusa By Shel Silverstein Pg. 69

2009-01-02T19:19:00.000-08:00

Coil and hiss--writhe and twist--
My hairdo won’t get done.
‘Cause one hair hissing, “Ponytail,”
And one yells, “Simple bun,”
One whispers, “Cornrows,”
One screams, “Bangs.”
One shouts, “Just wash and dry it.”
One snaps, “No, curl and tie it,”
One hollers, “Bleach and dye it.”
And how am I to fix my hair
If my hair will not keep quiet?

Gardener By Shel Silverstein Pg. 68

2009-01-01T17:04:00.000-08:00

We gave you a chance
To water the plants.
We didn’t mean that way– –
Now zip up your pants.

Rotten Convention By Shel Silverstein Pg. 67

2009-01-01T16:54:00.000-08:00

They had a Rotten Convention
And everyone was there:
Hamburger Face and Gruesome Grace
And the Skull with the slimy hair.

There was Mr. Mud and the Creepin’ Crud
And the Drooler and Belchin’ Bob,
There was Three-Headed Ann– – she was holdin’ hands
With the Whimperin’ Simperin Slob.

The Unpronounceable Name, he came,
And so did Saw-Nose Dan
And Poopin’ Pete and Smelly Feet
And the Half-Invisible Man.

There was Sudden Death and Sweat-Sock Breath,
Big Barf and the Deadly Bore,
And Killin’ Dillon and other villains
We’d never seen before.

And we all sat around and told bad tales
Of the rottenest people we knew,
And everybody there kept askin’ …
Where were you?

Sybil The Magincian's Last Show By Shel Silverstein Pg. 66

2009-01-01T16:40:00.000-08:00

Magical Sybil was much too cheap
To buy her rabbit a carrot.
He grew so thin, just bones and skin,
So starved he couldn’t bear it– –
And so, as she reached into her hat
To grab him by the ears,
She felt a tug, she felt a pull,
And WHAP– – she disappeared,
“The greatest act we’ve ever seen,”
We cheered for Magical Sybil.
But all that remained was a hat and a cape
And the sound of a bunny
Goin’, “Nibble…nibble…nibble.”

Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda By Shel Silverstein Pg. 65

2009-01-01T16:38:00.000-08:00

All the woulda-coulda-shouldas
Layin’ in the sun,
Talkin’ ‘bout the things
They woulda-coulda-shouldas done …
But those woulda-coulda-shouldas
All ran away and hid
From one little did.

Strange Restaurant By Shel Silverstein Pg. 64

2009-01-01T16:35:00.000-08:00

I said, “I’ll take the T-bone steak.”
A soft voice mooed, “Oh, wow.”
And I looked up and realized
The waitress was a cow.

I cried, “Mistake– – forget the steak.
I’ll take the chicken then.”
I heard a cluck– – ’twas just my luck
The busboy was a hen.

I said, “Okay, no fowl today.
I‘ll have the seafood dish.”
Then I saw through the kitchen door
The cook– – he was a fish.

I screamed, “Is there anyone workin’ here
Who’s an onion or a beet?
No? You’re sure? Okay then, friends,
A salad’s what I’ll eat.”

They look at me. “Oh, no.” they said,
“The owner is a cabbage head.”

Alphabalance By Shel Silverstein Pg. 63

2009-01-01T16:32:00.000-08:00

Balancing my ABCs
Takes from noon to half past three.
I don’t have time to grab a T
Or even stop to take a P.

New World By Shel Silverstein Pg. 62

2009-01-01T16:30:00.000-08:00

Upside-down trees swingin' free,
Busses float and buildings dangle:
Now and then it’s nice to see
The world– – from a different angle.

Bad Cold By Shel Silverstein Pg. 61

2009-01-01T16:05:00.000-08:00

This cold is too much for my shortsleeve.
Go get me a Kleenex--and fast.
I sniffle and wheeze
And I'm ready to sneeze
And I don't know how long I can last....

Atchoo--it's to wet for a kleenex,
So bring me handkerchief, quick.
It's--atchoo--no joke,
Now the handkerchief's soaked.
Hey, a dish towel just might do the trick.

Atchoo--it's too much for bath towel.
There never has been such a cold.
I'll be better off
With that big tablecloth,
No--bring me the flag off the pole.

Atchoo--bring the clothes from the closet,
Atchaa--get the sheets from the bed,
The drapes off the window,
The rugs off the floor
To soak up this cold in my head.

Atchoo-- hurry down to the circus
And ask if they'll lend you the tent.
You say they said yes?
Here it comes--Lord be blessed--
Here it is--Ah-kachoooo--there it went.

Stupid Pencil Marker By Shel Silverstein Pg. 60

2009-01-01T15:59:00.000-08:00

Some dummy built this pencil wrong– –
The eraser’s down here where the point belongs.
And the point’s at the top– – so it’s no good to me.
It’s amazing how stupid some people can be.

Warmhearted By Shel Silverstein Pg. 59

2009-01-01T15:58:00.000-08:00

Beatrice Bright is for animal rights– –
She’s waiting for Animal Day to arrive.
And though you see her in her new fox fur,
The fox that she wears is alive.

Writer Waiting By Shel Silverstein Pg. 58

2009-01-01T15:56:00.000-08:00

Oh this shiny new computer– –
There just isn’t nothin’ cuter.
It knows everything the world ever knew.
And with this great computer
‘Cause there ain’t a single thing that it can’t do.
It can sort and it can spell,
It can punctuate as well.
It can find and file and underline and type.
It can edit and select,
It can copy and correct,
So I’ll have a whole book written by tonight
(just as soon as it can think of what to write).

Foot Repair By Shel Silverstein Pg. 56

2009-01-01T15:55:00.000-08:00

I walked so much I wore down my feet– –
Do you know how weird that feels?
I went to the cobbler. “Aha,” says he,
“You need new soles and heels.”
So he took some tacks
And some thick new skin,
And quick as quick could be,
He stitched and he clipped
And he glued and he snipped,
And he shined ‘em up for me,
But when he said, “Ten dollars, please,”
It almost knocked me flat
“Ten dollars? Just for heels and soles?
I could have bought new feet for that.”