Last night I had a crazy dream
That I was teachin school.
My teachers had turned into kids,
And I laid down the rules.
I gave ‘em a hundred hist’ry books
To memorize each night,
And made ‘em read ‘em on their heads
Without turnin’ on the light.
I sent ‘em on a field trip
To the outskirts of Mongolia,
And gave ‘em an overnight assignment
To grow a twenty-foot purple magnolia.
I asked ‘em how many awful grades
Can cause how many tears?
And if they got one answer wrong,
I just hung ‘em up by their ears.
And when they talked or laughed in class,
I pinched ‘em ‘til they cried
Louder and louder--’til I woke up
Feelin’ very satisfied.